Wax/Wane

It's A Hit.

2009-09-16T11:41:00.002-04:00

I'm turning this into a music blog cause nothing in life is all that interesting as of now.

I would be indescribably happy if Jenny Lewis sang me a song every day.

More structured shit to come.

4am Back Problems

2009-05-07T04:46:00.003-04:00

Up waiting for the drugs to kick in.

Semester's 9.5 hours and 1 exam away from ending.

Packed up my guitars, amps and such last night with the rest of my shit getting put into bags/boxes sometime today/tonight.

I'm pretty sure I'm one of the last people to find out about Pandora internet radio, but I picked up on it a few days ago and it's about the greatest thing since sliced bread.

Coupled by the greatest video in history.

Recent tunes:
BEAT: Flying Lotus, BMSR/Tobacco/Seven Fields of Aphelion, Talkdemonic, Mission Giant, Bones Domingo, Chemical Brothers, Williamson, Boards of Canada, Two Lone Swordsmen, Michna, Squarepusher
JAZZ: Drew Gress, Vijay Iyer, John Coltrane, Ravi Coltrane, Miles Davis, Dave Douglass
ROCK: Secret and Whisper, old Saosin, Thrice, Radiohead, El Grupo Nuevo de Omar Rodriguez-Lopez/The Mars Volta, Circa Survive, Eagles, Brand New, Empires, Manchester Orchestra
INDIE/ALTERNATIVE: Elbow, Onalaska, Minus the Bear, Mission of Burma, Mirah, Secret Machines, Pomegranates, The Gloria Record, Cursive

Tunes.

2009-04-26T10:23:00.002-04:00

Nothing interesting happening- just A LOT of good tunes.

Check out:
Black Moth Super Rainbow - "Eating Us"
Thin Lizzy - "Fighting"
Pelican - "City of Echoes"
Death Cab for Cutie - "The Open Door EP"
Todd Rundgren - "The Very Best of Todd Rundgren"
Empires - "Howl"
An Horse - "Rearranged Beds"
Manchester Orchestra - "Mean Everything to Nothing"
Jets to Brazil - "Orange Rhyming Dictionary"
Fleet Foxes - "Fleet Foxes"
Good Old War - "Only Way to Be Alone"
New Pornographers - "Twin Cinema"
Anything by The Vines (yes, The Vines), Phoenix, The Living End, and Pink Floyd

Technicolor Girls

2009-04-15T22:31:00.003-04:00

5 Death Cab/Ben Gibbard B-sides You Should Hear:
Farmer Chords
Little Bribes/Casino Blues
World Shut Your Mouth
Broken Yoke in Western Sky
This Temporary Life

I'm really sorry if I've complained to you about academic distress in recent days.

Summer's in a seemingly very long 22 days.

Makin' Copies.

2009-04-09T13:09:00.003-04:00

Recently:
- Disco/Dance tunes (ve'y nice)
- The Office (I'm in love with Jenna Fischer)
- Chicken fajitas (delicious)
- Oversized aviators (which are funny because they're bigger than normal-sized aviators)
- Basketball (assuming we don't get another freak snow storm?)
- Massive awesome breakfasts
- Jen Clarke and her implied greatness
- Dan Snyder and his implied whiteness
- Epic triple-disc mixes
- A failing computer

This Weekend/Near Future:
- Family visiting from Pittsburgh
- Bar trip with Liza (finally)
- On The Run opening for The Ataris (SoZo)
- Saves the Day/Alkaline Trio (Pittsburgh)
- Atmosphere (Philly)
- Jenny Lewis (Philly)
- Metric (Philly)
- Old 97s (Philly)
- SUMMER.

Playlist:
- Thrice - "The Illusion of Safety"
- The Elevator Division - "Years"
- 764-Hero - "Get Here and Stay" (Thank you, Siren Records, for having this)
- Good Old War - "Only Way to Be Alone"
- Squarepusher - "Numbers Lucent", "Just a Souvenir"
- Any and all Beatles, Saves the Day and Ben Kweller

It's Just the End of the Fuckin World, Baby.

2009-03-25T22:03:00.003-04:00

It's been all about music in any spare time I've had. Writing's coming in spurts- usually on days when I have a full schedule and don't have the time to sit down and actually write. There's about a half-dozen tunes currently in the works- some heavier, some acoustic, some... digital(???). We'll see where they end up and what they're like when they get there.

Dad turns 51 tomorrow and I'm 21 in 5.
Walking into the liquor store Monday after class is going to be great.

I'm transfixed by Weeds. The show. It's great.

Playlist.
Black Milk - "Tronic"
Brand New - "Deja Entendu"
The Gloria Record - "Start Here"
Cursive - "The Ugly Organ"
Tobacco - "Fucked Up Friends"
MSTRKRFT - "The Looks"
Death From Above 1979 - "You're a Woman, I'm a Machine"

Suits

2009-03-18T23:58:00.002-04:00

I turned off the tv this morning in utter disgust while watching the AIG executives testify on Capitol Hill in disbelief that these people are part of a group with the incomprehensible audacity to receive a bonus from a company who has borrowed $176 billion in bailout money from every single one of us, with room to tap into another $30 billion of TARP bailout money if "needed".

AIG CEO Ed Liddy came into the AIG chaosphere in September, with his first fuck-up coming not a month after in October by defending a $440,000 company soirée at a luxury resort in California. Keep in mind- this came very shortly after the bigwigs begged and pleaded to congress for a part of the first proposed bailout, of which they received approximately $84 billion in loans from. Granted, the nearly-half-million-dollar ordeal comes out to be a microscopic percentage, but the fact that they have the audacity to not put every dime possible towards correcting their infinite mistakes, ill-advised investments, and their permanently disfigured image should warrant every single one of them to be fired. The problem is, as much as we'd all love to tell them to go fuck themselves and let the company collapse, firms like AIG have spread their seed so damn far, wide, and deep into not only the American economy, but found a clever way to fuck people in about 130 other countries outside the US, and because of how deep their roots are, their collapse would mean inevitable collapse of the bigger picture. And now that this "I can't believe it's not insurance" has finally come to light, everyone's passing the buck, as per the ways of the failing/failed American businessman. I couldn't care less that Liddy's working basically for nothing, sitting on a $1.00 salary with no stock options. This should be the case for the heads of every company who requested bailout money. This isn't saying Liddy would get my pat on the back- it just means I'd take a swing or two less at him if I had the chance.

Which brings us to the new atrocity in the company. AIG just paid out bonuses totaling approximately $165 million dollars to their employees under the "contractual obligation" that these were retention bonuses, not performance bonuses, of which they've paid none since the collapse of the firm. Even better is the fact that 73 of these employees had bonuses of $1 million plus. Liddy's arguing that AIG was contractually obligated to pay these according to the previously drafted contracts, as well as an "agreement" that was drawn up in late 2007 saying that these bonuses are to be paid. The defense beyond these previously-drafted documents? "We would have had to pay out at least double had we not paid them now." FUCK. YOU. Your firm got it's fucking bailout money and has since began the process of correcting your faults, bringing your fuck-up from $2.7 trillion down to $1.6 trillion over the past year, which is all well and great, but does that mean that since you got caught, you should just be given the chance to correct it, with the other 300some million Americans footing the bill? Why shouldn't your company be treated like an American citizen, who's held responsible for paying every dime of their loan plus the accrued interest back to their lender?

During the hearing, Liddy told the panel that he, as of this morning, "asked the employees who received these bonuses to return at least half if their bonuses exceeded $100,000" and "all of their bonus" if they were in a specific sector of the company. I immediately burst into laughter over the idea that people in this company who's done what it's done would just simply hand back hundreds of thousands of dollars that they're apparently contractually obligated to earn.

I'm not just faulting Liddy and AIG for this shit- I'm taking the buck straight to Obama and his administration. Rightfully so, Obama spoke today, saying that the buck stops with him, which is as true as the sky is blue. It's appalling that there wasn't at least one stipulation in the "bailout" legislation that stated clearly and unmistakably that if a company is in need of government assistance to prevent its collapse that not a SINGLE CENT of bonus money, performance or otherwise, should be paid to any member or employee of the company, regardless of contractual obligations or previously-established guidelines. It's pretty fucking common sense as to what the definition of a "bonus" is when it comes to the job market, and not a single person in these failing companies, banks, firms and whatever else should receive an inkling of one.

AIG, along with how many other companies and banks, caused this financial collapse that's entering its second year, causing more and more people to have to drastically cut back their established lifestyles and in the case of millions of Americans, my father included, costing them their jobs. Simply put:

AIG,
A company that my recently-unemployed father,
By default,
Had his tax money go into in order to bail them out of a problem they caused by their own greed, idiocy and negligence,
Handed over a check to one of their employees for $100,000 who,
By all rational assumptions was involved and knowing of these dealings,
Which is,
Give or take,
What my father would have made this year,
Had the economy not collapsed,
Forcing countless layoffs,
Because major companies like AIG were greedy, negligent, and took complete advantage of everyone they could.

Fuck you, AIG, and every greedy, immoral, dishonest firm, company or whatever that's helped cause the financial collapse and the recession/depression we're in.

Fuck you, Chris Dodd for "adding language into the rescue bill" that allowed for these bonuses to be paid, and for being the sad excuse for a politician you are.

Fuck you, Democrats, Republicans, and Independents of Congress, for allowing these bigwigs to continue to be GROSSLY overpaid while we hand them billions of dollars, plunging us deeper into debt.

And, pertaining to this issue, fuck you, Barack Obama, and your entire financial and economic team, for not exercising your ability and, even more so, your obligation to do what's in the best interest of the country as a nation and its citizens as your constituents.

And to the people threatening these CEOs and their families and want to "hang them all with piano wire", fuck you too. They deserve to be sued for everything including the kitchen sink then sent to jail for quite a while, not fucking killed. Your ignorance and idiocy isn't any different from theirs.

We're ever so slowly getting the idea of owning up to our mistakes and taking the blame if we're in the wrong, but it shouldn't be a fucking process like learning to read or figuring out all the idiosyncrasies of how to get a girl off just the right way. You can only dodge bullets for so long before you get one right between the eyes.

Man up and take the blame you deserve.
End of fucking discussion.

Become What You've Become

2009-03-07T11:13:00.004-05:00

10 Things More Likely to Happen Before the Release of Glassjaw's 3rd Record:
10. I'll have listened to every track in my iTunes collection.
09. Cathrine Zeta Jones sends me a relationship request via Facebook.
08. The Pirates win a World Series.
07. Midtown reunion tour. Openers include Lots of Batmans, Underneath, Mindful.
06. The US has acceptable relations with Iran.
05. Tom Cruise admits Scientology and his acting are both a joke, in the most elaborate April Fools prank to date.
04. Michael Jackson turns back to black.
03. Elvis (the real one) shows himself.
02. Brand New releases their 4th record.
01. Glassjaw releases their 4th record.

I'm finally going through and listening to a shitload of albums I've picked up over the past 6 months or so and found a bunch of them are pretty damn good. That, and I've discovered the brilliance of Tom Waits, after passing up the 14 albums of his I've had shoved in my iTunes collection for probably over a year.

Break be spent reading, recording, seeing a few people, hanging at Chris' over all hours of the night, actually getting a new phone, combing through used records at the 2 used record shops I think still exist, and quite possibly just throwing my feet up and relaxing without any semblance of school or work looming over my head, which seems absurd.

Life is great.

Watch Heroes.

Listening to:
O Pioneers!!! - "Neon Creeps"
I Am Electric - "Thrush"
Dogs Die in Hot Cars - "Please Describe Yourself"
Q and Not U - "No Kill No Beep Beep"
Oasis - "Standing on the Shoulders of Giants"
Boards of Canada - "The Campfire Headphase"
Tom Waits - "Blue Valentine"
Cinematic Orchestra - "Man with a Movie Camera"

Reading:
Oryx & Crake - Margaret Atwood
V. - Thomas Pynchon

So Regarded, So Guided, So Precise

2009-02-14T19:33:00.004-05:00

The haze has started to clear, and I owe a lot of people a lot of things.

As of now, odds are good I'm going to be in school 5 full years instead of 4.5, which is good and bad, depending on how you look at it.

I've come up with an idea for a musical project that's actually gotten it's feet off the ground already. I'm going to probably need some help with piano and string sections over spring break and the summer, assuming I'm home, so if you're interested, let me know.

Since this place is slowly destroying my soul, I made plans:
1. Next weekend's a trip to Cal to hang with Liza and do whatever else people in Cal do.
2. The following Friday is Ben Kweller in Philly with Heather.
3. That Saturday is apparently State Patty's Day cause some douche bag decided it should be in.
4. February and nowhere near St. Patty's Day.
5. Spring break starts the following weekend.

Let me know if you want to be a part of everything. We'll make it so.

Playlist:
Thursday - "A City By the Light Divided"
Brand New - "Deja Entendu"
Thrice - "The Alchemy Index"
Finch - "Say Hello to Sunshine"
Jets to Brazil - "Perfecting Loneliness"
All the Hendrix and Ben Kweller I can find

Hidden Affinity

2009-02-04T22:31:00.002-05:00

I need out of this town.

Thank you to the Steelers winning the Super Bowl and the very small few who haven't managed to piss me off or assist in the process of the last week or so going to shit. You're single-handedly keeping me going

I just bought tickets to see Ben Kweller with Heather (and possibly Ella??) at the end of the month. Should also involve a nice drive east, Chris', and be a great time.

It seems like I'm getting more and more doors slammed in my face anymore.

Someone tell me why.

New Tunes, Old Tunes, and Good Times

2009-01-11T22:26:00.002-05:00

Thank you to everyone who made winter break as great as it was. Hopefully we'll stay in touch.

2009 Spring semester starts in t-minus 7:27:43.

It's been all about the music lately.

New Stuff, courtesy of Heather:
Bonnie "Prince" Billy - "I See a Darkness"
Leonard Cohen- "Songs of Leonard Cohen"
Bob Dylan - "The Freewheelin' Bob Dylan"
Bob Dylan - "Blonde on Blonde" (completely embarrassing I didn't previously have this)
Simon & Garfunkel - "The Essential Simon & Garfunkel"
Sigur Ros - "Hvart/Heim"
Beirut - "The Flying Club Cup"
Beirut - "Lon Gisland EP"
+ Miscellaneous mix tracks

Old Stuff:
The Postal Service - "Give Up"
The Promise Ring - "Wood/Water"
Brand New - "Deja Entendu"
Brand New - "The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me"
Elliott Smith - "New Moon"
Interpol - "Turn on the Bright Lights"
Interpol - "Our Love to Admire"
Ryan Adams - "Easy Tiger"
Secret Machines - "Now Here is Nowhere"
Belle and Sebastian - "If You're Feeling Sinister"
The Cure - "Greatest Hits"
The Elevator Division - "Years"
Modest Mouse - "We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank"
The New Amsterdams - "Worse for the Wear"
Ben Kweller - "Ben Kweller"
Ben Kweller - "On My Way"
Ben Kweller - "Sha Sha"
Old 97's - "Fight Songs"
The Good Life - "Album of the Year"
Bright Eyes - "Fevers & Mirrors"
The Beatles - "Rubber Soul"
West Indian Girl - "West Indian Girl"
764-Hero - "Weekends of Sound"
764-Hero - "Nobody Knows This is Everywhere"
The Pernice Brothers - "Yours, Mine and Ours"
Jimi Hendrix - "Experience Hendrix: The Best of Jimi Hendrix"
John Mayer - "Continuum"
The Anniversary - "Designing for a Nervous Breakdown"
Circa Survive - "On Letting Go"
Spoon - "Gimme Fiction"
The Weakerthans - "Left & Leaving"
The Weakerthans - "Reconstruction Site"
The Weakerthans - "Reunion Tour"
Piebald - "All Ears, All Eyes, All the Time"
Guster - "Keep It Together"
Guster - "Ganging Up on the Sun"
Jets to Brazil - "Perfecting Loneliness"

Tradition is Tradition

2008-12-31T02:53:00.003-05:00

(Hands down) Album of the Year:

The Mars Volta - The Bedlam in Goliath

Runners Up (In a Somewhat Particular Order):

Thrice - The Alchemy Index Vols. III & IV
Death Cab for Cutie - Narrow Stairs
Why? - Alopecia
Matt Pryor - Confidence Man
My Morning Jacket - Evil Urges
Russian Circles - Station
Meshuggah - ObZen
The Black Keys - Attack & Release

Happy New Year to everyone.

Speed Trials

2008-12-22T00:27:00.003-05:00

Heading home tomorrow for a few weeks, consisting of a trip to Pittsburgh with Mom and Mackenzie, a probable trip to Bloom for New Years, and hopefully seeing a lot of old friends.

Watch Jericho. (Thank you Brian, Mike, and Steve)

It's time to be.

Your X-Rays Have Just Come Back From the Lab and We Think We Know What Your Problem Is

2008-12-09T16:09:00.003-05:00

Quite honestly, the only thing I want to do with my life right now is finish writing and record everything I've been working on over the past year.

I would give quite a bit to wake up tomorrow and have this semester be over.

Playlist:
Jets to Brazil - "Orange Rhyming Dicitonary", "Four Cornered Night", "Perfecting Loneliness"
Modest Mouse - "Good News for People Who Love Bad News", "We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank"
Cursive - "Happy Hollow"
Atmosphere - "Lucy Ford", "God Loves Ugly"
Juliana Theory - "Love"
Meshuggah - "ObZen", "Nothing"
The Mars Volta - "The Bedlam in Goliath"
Circa Survive - "Juturna", "On Letting Go"

Pink Fish

2008-11-01T20:29:00.004-04:00

Halloween was a semi-success: the Al-Gore-from-South-Park idea turned out pretty well (and for some reason I actually shaved for it and now my face is cold), but the medications I'm on to get over this bronchitis don't mix well with alcohol, so I ended up being the only sober kid at the party. I'm pretty sure everyone has plans for tonight, so I'm taking the liberty of watching The Exorcist and a few other horror classics.

If I can find a free weekend, I'm going to see if my car will hold up long enough to get me to Canonsburg/Pittsburgh to see some family and a few friends if they're in town. It feels like it's been quite a while since I've been there, since I was only there for maybe 36 hours over the summer and not since the end of fall semester last year before that.

In what seems like a miraculous turn of events, I may have free time this week- enough to post a slew of photos, both on Deviant and the newly-founded Picasa (for more random things), of everything that's been going on in the past... 6 months? Longer? Check them out.

Ears:
Russian Circles - "Station"
Radiohead - "The Bends"
The Mercury Program - "And the Suits Began to Fall Off"

Overdue.

2008-10-29T15:02:00.002-04:00

There's been so much shit happening lately that I can't recall everything, but to try and sum up:

- I was jerked around at the Roadhouse after missing a shift of which nobody bothered to call me about being late for, and after almost 3 weeks was told that they "no longer have room on the schedule for me" because they hired back a guy who had previously quit twice and been officially fired once. They had a major grease fire in the kitchen a week after this happened. I smiled when I heard about it.
- The Mars Volta show was very arguably the best I've ever been to.
- The Rise Against/Alkaline Trio/Thrice/Gaslight Anthem show was pretty damn good too, minus kids crowd surfing during "Broken Wings". I'm going to start carrying something sharp to shove into their sides when they come crashing down on me.
- Conor Oberst and Ben Kweller are playing hear Harrisburg in a few weeks. Anyone interested?
- My car broke down at 2 in the morning coming back from the show. It's currently being fixed, with the problem basically being that I had another 5 miles or so before the entire front passenger's side of the car completely fell apart because of a whole happy combination of things. Again, Lou Fisher- I hope with every cell in my body you end up bankrupt and miserable.
- Dan and I gathered up the first 4 Saw movies and watched them Friday night, then went to check out the new one on Saturday. Not bad, but sub-par to the earlier ones. I can't see for the life of me how they'll be able to make any more that won't be a real stretch for plot.
- I've spent the better part of the last month living off of counting change from a SoBe bottle and donating plasma downtown.
- My iPod plays, but the screen is completely white and it constantly feels like it's overheating, so is essentially next to useless. Time to bring back the portable cd player again.
- Boston is not in the world series because they thought ahead and decided we will irrefutably win it next year if we have an extra 2 weeks to they off-season.
- The broken washer has finally been replaced, after over 2 months of weekly hounding the realty company to fix it.
- In order to end calls, I now have to turn my phone off then back on.
- I've now thrown up from excessive alcohol consumption. It was epic.

I started going through my iTunes collection and listening to at least one new album every day, since there are quite a few I have that I've never listened to. So far, the good ones include:

Person L - "Initial"
Atmosphere - "God Loves Ugly"
Squarepusher - "Ultravisitor"
John Lennon - "The Anthology" (One of the best collections I've ever heard)
Rogue Wave - "Descendents Like Vultures"
Modern Jazz Quartet - "MJQ: 40 Years"
Rise Against - "Revolutions Per Minute"

Other Recent Stuff:
The Pernice Brothers - "Yours, Mine and Ours"
My Morning Jacket - "Evil Urges"
The New Amsterdams - "Worse for the Wear"
The Mars Volta - "The Bedlam in Goliath"
Radiohead - "The Bends" / "In Rainbows" / "OK Computer"
The Get Up Kids - "On a Wire"
Matt Pryor - "Confidence Man"
Alkaline Trio - "Goddamnit!"
764-Hero - "Weekends of Sound"

Coming Clean.

2008-09-12T16:29:00.001-04:00

I've given up indulging in mind-altering substances of all degrees, fast food, skipping classes, any kind of carbonated anything, and eating an excessive amount of red meat in an attempt to get my shit together and hold to a promise.

I've discovered Digable Planets, The Mercury Program, Grizzly Bear, Quasimoto, The Raconteurs, and Luke Vibert. It's also nice to have more than a handful of songs from Rush and Zeppelin, since most of what I had was lost when my last hard drive lost a battle against some fruit punch.

I'm heading home for the weekend to help my dad out, who's probably currently on his way home from the rehab clinic he's been at for the past week and a half since his back surgery. He's now walking around and managed to conquer a 7-step set of stairs the other day without any pain, which is incredible, considering he couldn't walk a step without being in pain a few weeks ago.

I've been working on a few songs that I'll hopefully record in the next few weeks once I can actually find time to get everything hooked up and working. It seems to be the only project I'm doing that I'm actually satisfied with.

There's a slew of photos I've been working on since my program came- mostly from Long Island over the summer that I haven't gotten a chance to make pretty until now. Along with the recordings, they'll be coming along in the next week.

Soon everybody will ask what became of you.

Between the End and Where We Lie

2008-08-31T18:44:00.000-04:00

- Classes don't seem like they'll be too much to handle, minus the differential equations massacre that will inevitably ensue once the class picks up beyond calculus review.
- My room's a mess of cables and cords because the basement's too damn musty to risk putting my amps or anything down there, so it's all conveniently located on another desk shoved in the corner until I find something better to do with them.
- I can't quite muster up the money to pick up the keyboard I've been looking at all summer. Fuck money.
- Once my Photo program gets here, I'll actually be able to finish up/publish more NYC photos on Deviant, which will hopefully be sometime this week. The few I did turned out really well til the damn trial expired.
- I picked up a guitar/vocal recording interface that disables my sound card when I plug it in.
- Dan's party was a success. Our basement's now actually worth entering after spending a good 10 hours cleaning it, getting all the furniture down there, building the pong tables, and wiring up the incredibly ghetto yet still absurdly powerful sound system.
- My car will actually be 100% completely fixed by the time I go home for the Mars Volta show in 3 weeks. FUCK YOU, LOU FISHER.
- THE MARS FUCKING VOLTA SHOW IS IN 20 FUCKING DAYS. Seven years of waiting will finally fucking end. Better yet, I'm pretty sure they're the only band on the bill for that night, so a few hours of some of the greatest musicians on the planet shouldn't be anything shy of incredible.
- I've seemingly had almost no time to myself since I got up here that hasn't been consumed with getting situated or doing something productive.
- I start working again in about 15 minutes.

Lately, it's been a lot of Beck, Thrice, Why?, The Weakerthans, and The Promise Ring. Never did I figure I'd like Beck as much as I do.

Stand and feel your worth.

Barefoot in the Shallow Creek

2008-07-16T02:13:00.000-04:00

DISCLAIMER: SHAMELESS PLUG AHEAD.

I stayed up essentially the entire night one day last week and edited a handful of photos that I took over the past few months and posted them on DA (HERE! HERE! CLICK HERE!) and somehow got a few fans from it? I have another handful I'm going to post in the next few days, and more that will be up there in the near future. I'll be up on Long Island this weekend about 20 minutes away from the shore, so I'm packing a few rolls of film and hoping that I get some good ones from up there.

I think I've also come up with a great musical concept that fits what I was originally aiming to do, but it's going to be quite a process if it all goes how I'm envisioning it. Anyone who will be in the State College area this semester who plays piano/keys, drums, bass, violin, guitar, or writes poetry/prose and would be interested in helping me out, please let me know. In an ideal world, I'd have all the equiptment to try and write/record/engineer/produce it myself, but realistically, I don't think I can really sing, and creative minds are always helpful.

A month from now, I'll be getting ready to move in and get the fall semester situated and started, and I don't think I've anticipated a semester to be this good in all the years I've been in school. There's a lot of things I want to do, people I haven't seen in far too long, and classes that I'm actually fully interested in taking. I'm sure it'll be hectic, but I don't expect anything less with six classes and essentially a full-time job. I don't know how many more visits I'm going to make because of a complete lack of a fully-functional car (sorry in advance). Also, I don't think Lindsey's going to make it out here til we move in, which means that whole week we're moving in and getting situated is going to be even crazier since we won't be physically meeting her til then.

I've gotten a whole load of new music that I have yet to start listening to (courtesy of my uncle), which is pretty awesome, considering some of it consists of live and unreleased Beatles and Elliott Smith tunes that I don't already have. Also, I don't think I've made it through an entire movie without falling asleep basically the entire summer. I guess that's what I get for doing all I do?

I don't think it's too likely, but I'd really like to make it back to Canonsburg at some point before everyone dispurses back to school. Maggie and that whole crew have such a different style of life compared to just about everyone else I've ever met, and it's great seeing her and hanging out with those kids (minus Brice because he's a fuckhead who never picks up his phone) and such. It's a vastly different atmosphere there, and I spent a good amount of time driving back here thinking about where I'd be had I never moved, coming to the conclusion that I would be an incredibly different person, but would undoubtibly still be friends with everyone there. And even though it's been over 12 years since we moved here, 519 Ridge Avenue still feels like home.

"Cath..." and "Grapevine Fires" are two of the greatest songs I think I've ever heard.

Fin.

It's Too Late (They Won't Let Go)

2008-05-17T01:13:00.000-04:00

I've come to a few conclusions in the past week, primarily while driving up to the Poconos for work at 1 am.

1. I have more loose ends in my life than I even know what to do with. Whether it be relations with people that got fucked up and lost in translation, or just flat out stopped, or projects I started and never finished, or resolves I made and haven't thought about since. I think it's time to start sewing up the holes.

2. Everyone inevitably hurts everyone else, and it's the sad cycle of life. I've wasted so much time in pissing contests over who did worse to who and I frankly have no idea why. I'm pretty damn sure that I've hurt people, and even more sure I've been hurt by them. But pain is pain in the end, and sometimes shit just fucking sucks, and I think part of growing up is realizing that. After all the completely shitty things I've had done to me, there isn't a single person I wish ill will upon- in fact, it's more of the opposite. There are a lot of people I don't talk to anymore for whatever reason, and in all sincerity, I hope they're all doing well with whatever they may be getting into or doing in their lives. There isn't a person I know that I would never help if they needed it, even if it was just to talk about something. Call me what you will- It's just how I am.

3. I'm a good month away from getting the paycheck boost I'm waiting on to put towards some new equipment so I can get this music project going more steadily. I have a massive amount of ideas, but don't have the means to start really putting them together on any sort of cohesive level. I'm heading out to Pittsburgh towards the end of June to get some help from my Uncle on how to get some programs set up and synced, so hopefully that'll yield good results, and I can be starting to get it together come July.

Aside from that, I haven't slept for more than 3 hours at a time in the past week because of a ridiculously sporadic work schedule (though watching the sun rise in the Poconos is a nice way to welcome in the day) and more things to do than I can count (somehow I always end up exponentially busier at home than at school). My car's still not done because of all kinds of confusing scheduling bullshit, but should be done and delivered for real by next week, which is stellar.

I've been reading a ton lately- primarily switching between Vonnegut's Cat's Cradle and things on the Cold War, diving into the old Russian History books from Greacen's class back in sophomore year for their take on it. Modern history seems to be a new interest of mine, and Vonnegut can seemingly do no wrong.

It's great to be home and away from State College for a few months. Not to mention having my own space is great (no offense Dan). Everything's unpacked, and I've been working on getting things straight and cleaned out. I stumbled upon boxes of things I've collected over the past 6 years, and looking through it was a trip. I found it bizarre that I can't remember what I had for breakfast, yet can pick up a random note from power study hall or find a conversation from freshman year and know exactly what was going on at the time. I'm believing more and more that everyone who told me I'm a wealth of useless knowledge was right.

Finally, I'm planning on making a bunch of trips over the course of the summer- Pittsburgh, Boston, Baltimore and Long Island twice for Elliott's lacrosse tournaments, and a few trips to school for sure. Figuring out when is a different story entirely. I have a feeling the combination of two jobs and throughtthefuckingroof gas prices might cut a few of these off, but I'm going to make my best effort. There's a bunch of things I want to do and people I'd like to see, so hopefully I can manage to pull it all together. There's generally a lot I want to do before August rolls around and I head back to school, and I'm going to try my damnedest to get it all worked out by then.

On a completely depressing note, my bus driver (as well as Elliott's and Mackenzie's all through elementary school and up til now; the greatest of all time) was run over and killed by another bus this morning while he was walking to his bus to leave. It's a goddamn tragedy that it's always the incredible, genuinely wonderful people who die before their time. Rest in Peace, Pappy.

To a time without faith or fate or rhyme.

We must run if we're to meet the light.

2008-05-08T11:51:00.000-04:00

I finally found a car that'll be in my possession by sometime next week.

Dan and I have a roommate down for next year. She's pretty cool, and she's from Oregon, so we'll be obligated to start an East Coast/West Coast thing, just like the gangs did, just minus the drive-by's and rivalries (though football season will be interesting between an Eagles fan, Cowboys fan, and Steelers fan).

I can't remember if I posted this, but my internship's secured. The learning starts on Monday.

Finals are 2/4 over, with one later this afternoon and one bright and early tomorrow morning.

Find the place where sight begins.

The long short story about the same different things.

2008-04-17T05:44:00.000-04:00

I've been having trouble sleeping on and off for the past month or so, so I'm up again because trying to outsmart my mind didn't work out.

Something about the past few weeks has put me in a new frame of mind. I've thought a lot about how I do things, and especially my relationships with people, and how they've come into a different light since the semester started. That, in combination with feeling like I'm really starting to accomplish something, both musically and artistically, really does wonders. That and the temperature's staying above 40 for more than a few days at a time.

I've started writing songs that I can wake up and not hate the next morning. The project is to get a handful of them into an acceptable form by the end of the semester, then take the summer to learn how to record, along with picking up a new amp, keyboard, and, if I can manage to save enough, another guitar. I can't say I've felt this inspired in probably four or five years, so it's nice to be able to take advantage of it- even if it comes at the cost of bailing on a day's worth of lectures.

I talked to Adrienne a few weeks ago for the first time since we broke up, primarily about how Alyssa and I are dating now. It was without a doubt the most bizzare conversation I think I've ever had; there wasn't an ounce of yelling or screaming or even really bitterness (that was spoken, anyway). We caught up slightly, mostly just how we're both doing since we haven't spoken in the last two or three months. There was actually some laughter at some points, which completely blew my mind. It was really nice to hear from her that she's doing really well and getting to a good place in her life, because as much as I wasn't so sure her staying in New York for the semester was the best idea, it seems like she's stopped the bleeding and is really making a lot of steps in the right direction, which was really great to hear. I doubt I'll talk to her anytime soon because as much as she didn't say anything harsh, angry or what have you, I know that my relationship with Alyssa isn't exactly something that would help develop a friendship between us and I'm sure there was a lot she held back, but I can't say I blame her. Still, hopefully one day the dust will settle and once we're both in our own, we can see what kind of friendship can come of it.

With Alyssa, life generally seems different. It is quite a change from a long-distance relationship to being with someone that's a few miles away, especially in college. I have mixed emotions about a lot of things, but it's really great that she's willing to listen, even if it's a little overkill or insane. There's a lot that I never really let out to people, and it's strange having the opportunity to divulge things anew, because having been through everything and being able to look back at it with what seems like a more objective eye, it gives you the ability to make all those changes, big or small, to make you a better person. The best part about being with Alyssa is that things seem a lot more level than they did in the time after Adrienne and I broke up. Not saying that turbulent days don't still exist, but I feel like I'm getting to a point now where I can see myself come into my own. I don't think it's so much completely because I'm with her, because I know that I'm discovering a lot about myself on my own accord, but she has a mindset that I think is essential to living the best life you can, because if you're not really where you want to be, or at least on your way, then you're only spinning your wheels. Being with her has gotten me to see that there's a lot in my life worth changing for the better, which I don't think I could thank her enough for.

As far as the rest goes, I'm ecstatic over the fact that State College has finally kicked winter the fuck out. I can actually walk between classes without getting frostbite for the first time since October. Along with that comes the ensuing conclusion to the semester, which should yield some grades that were better than I anticipated, assuming finals go well. I was accepted into Civil & Environmental Engineering, which was a great, yet incredibly nerve-racking, birthday present from the University I love dearly.

Once noon hits on that Friday and I happily walk out of my last exam, it's home to pack and then on the road home. Thrice, Circa Survive, and Pelican are playing in Philly the night that finals end, which is prime timing. Dom, Alyssa, Elliott and I are all going down and there's no doubt it'll be a mind-blowing show, which is much-needed, considering I've missed quite a few this semester because getting to the TLA on a Tuesday night isn't possible without a car. The following Monday means the start of the internship I was able to get with an engineering firm in the valley, and inevitably some sort of night/weekend gig for some extra money I can put towards a car, musical endeavors, and trips up here to visit Alyssa and everyone over those few months.

In the midst of all that, the living situation needs to be thought of for August, seeing as I'm sure it'll come up fast. Dan and I have found a girl from Oregon who seems like the only interesting person who's interested in living with us, so hopefully that'll work itself out in our favor. The house we found has a good deal of basement space, so even if I get stuck with the glorified closet for a room, I can set up part of the basement with all my music junk and have a space I can get to that doesn't get on people's nerves too much.

Overall, things are on the upswing, and I feel more hopeful than I've felt in quite a while, which feels incredible. Hopefully this isn't a day or two thing, but is the rebirth of the creativity and open-mindedness I thought I left in notebooks four or five years ago.

Sidenotes:
1. The Second two volumes of Thrice's Alchemy Index came out yesterday, and for the life of me, I don't think I've heard a better album than the Air disc in a very long time, which is something that after several listens, I can stand by wholeheartedly.

2. I've started downloading a lot of older music that I never had before, but always liked- Elvis Costello, Tom Petty, Rockpile, Squeeze, The Beach Boys, Tom Waits... the list goes on. Also, I'm trying to put a dent in the list of movies I want to see, which currently stands at a lengthy 107 movies. If you read this and have suggestions or contributions to either of these, I'm all ears.

3. (This deserves its own point) I've actually started reading books past the first 25 pages, so I'm open to any and all suggestions. The last book I know I read cover to cover was Angels & Demons when I was in Jamaica a few years ago. I'm working on Catch-22 right now, then probably Cat's Cradle after that, assuming I can snag it from Dom. Again, suggestions are welcome.

Let the shore tide in.

Tear Down Rome.

2008-03-31T18:23:00.000-04:00

I can't sleep. Again.

I've been sitting here for over an hour and a half and decided I'm not writing what I want to write about. It's so fucking difficult to write when I have no idea how.

The only thing coming to mind worth mentioning that might be news is that there are semblances of tracks in a few different ways.

As the north wind begins to blow.

262/0

War.

2008-02-27T19:13:00.000-05:00

I am at war. War with decisions, war with relationships, war with ideals, war with myself in nearly every aspect. I've broken so many promises, compromised so many morals, blown so many opportunities- all to what end? I'm happy with my life and disgusted with myself.

I've done irreversible damage to relationships that I never wanted to wrong. I've lost nearly all semblance of creativity that once drove me to give meaning to the things I could never put into words. My physical and mental self has all but gone to shit, suffering almost constant headaches, sickness, apathy, and contempt for so many things for reasons beyond my own comprehension.

The sun's setting in a lot of ways and I'm desperately looking for a way to keep the daylight alive without compromising myself even more, which doesn't seem like a viable option at this point. With every step I take, I get thrown back farther than I was before amidst the world's dissatisfaction and disapproval in tandem with my own bad decisions. There are very few things I'm happy with, which is why I don't understand why that can't be enough. Rut or problem, this needs to end.

As it all comes crashing down.

Looking to be Found.

2008-02-24T18:19:00.000-05:00

The more I talk, the less those words seem to mean.

I'm starting a few projects.

Summer internship's looking promising.

Miles and miles.