War.

I am at war. War with decisions, war with relationships, war with ideals, war with myself in nearly every aspect. I've broken so many promises, compromised so many morals, blown so many opportunities- all to what end? I'm happy with my life and disgusted with myself.

I've done irreversible damage to relationships that I never wanted to wrong. I've lost nearly all semblance of creativity that once drove me to give meaning to the things I could never put into words. My physical and mental self has all but gone to shit, suffering almost constant headaches, sickness, apathy, and contempt for so many things for reasons beyond my own comprehension.

The sun's setting in a lot of ways and I'm desperately looking for a way to keep the daylight alive without compromising myself even more, which doesn't seem like a viable option at this point. With every step I take, I get thrown back farther than I was before amidst the world's dissatisfaction and disapproval in tandem with my own bad decisions. There are very few things I'm happy with, which is why I don't understand why that can't be enough. Rut or problem, this needs to end.



As it all comes crashing down.