Something about the past few weeks has put me in a new frame of mind. I've thought a lot about how I do things, and especially my relationships with people, and how they've come into a different light since the semester started. That, in combination with feeling like I'm really starting to accomplish something, both musically and artistically, really does wonders. That and the temperature's staying above 40 for more than a few days at a time.
I've started writing songs that I can wake up and not hate the next morning. The project is to get a handful of them into an acceptable form by the end of the semester, then take the summer to learn how to record, along with picking up a new amp, keyboard, and, if I can manage to save enough, another guitar. I can't say I've felt this inspired in probably four or five years, so it's nice to be able to take advantage of it- even if it comes at the cost of bailing on a day's worth of lectures.
I talked to Adrienne a few weeks ago for the first time since we broke up, primarily about how Alyssa and I are dating now. It was without a doubt the most bizzare conversation I think I've ever had; there wasn't an ounce of yelling or screaming or even really bitterness (that was spoken, anyway). We caught up slightly, mostly just how we're both doing since we haven't spoken in the last two or three months. There was actually some laughter at some points, which completely blew my mind. It was really nice to hear from her that she's doing really well and getting to a good place in her life, because as much as I wasn't so sure her staying in New York for the semester was the best idea, it seems like she's stopped the bleeding and is really making a lot of steps in the right direction, which was really great to hear. I doubt I'll talk to her anytime soon because as much as she didn't say anything harsh, angry or what have you, I know that my relationship with Alyssa isn't exactly something that would help develop a friendship between us and I'm sure there was a lot she held back, but I can't say I blame her. Still, hopefully one day the dust will settle and once we're both in our own, we can see what kind of friendship can come of it.
With Alyssa, life generally seems different. It is quite a change from a long-distance relationship to being with someone that's a few miles away, especially in college. I have mixed emotions about a lot of things, but it's really great that she's willing to listen, even if it's a little overkill or insane. There's a lot that I never really let out to people, and it's strange having the opportunity to divulge things anew, because having been through everything and being able to look back at it with what seems like a more objective eye, it gives you the ability to make all those changes, big or small, to make you a better person. The best part about being with Alyssa is that things seem a lot more level than they did in the time after Adrienne and I broke up. Not saying that turbulent days don't still exist, but I feel like I'm getting to a point now where I can see myself come into my own. I don't think it's so much completely because I'm with her, because I know that I'm discovering a lot about myself on my own accord, but she has a mindset that I think is essential to living the best life you can, because if you're not really where you want to be, or at least on your way, then you're only spinning your wheels. Being with her has gotten me to see that there's a lot in my life worth changing for the better, which I don't think I could thank her enough for.
As far as the rest goes, I'm ecstatic over the fact that State College has finally kicked winter the fuck out. I can actually walk between classes without getting frostbite for the first time since October. Along with that comes the ensuing conclusion to the semester, which should yield some grades that were better than I anticipated, assuming finals go well. I was accepted into Civil & Environmental Engineering, which was a great, yet incredibly nerve-racking, birthday present from the University I love dearly.
Once noon hits on that Friday and I happily walk out of my last exam, it's home to pack and then on the road home. Thrice, Circa Survive, and Pelican are playing in Philly the night that finals end, which is prime timing. Dom, Alyssa, Elliott and I are all going down and there's no doubt it'll be a mind-blowing show, which is much-needed, considering I've missed quite a few this semester because getting to the TLA on a Tuesday night isn't possible without a car. The following Monday means the start of the internship I was able to get with an engineering firm in the valley, and inevitably some sort of night/weekend gig for some extra money I can put towards a car, musical endeavors, and trips up here to visit Alyssa and everyone over those few months.
In the midst of all that, the living situation needs to be thought of for August, seeing as I'm sure it'll come up fast. Dan and I have found a girl from Oregon who seems like the only interesting person who's interested in living with us, so hopefully that'll work itself out in our favor. The house we found has a good deal of basement space, so even if I get stuck with the glorified closet for a room, I can set up part of the basement with all my music junk and have a space I can get to that doesn't get on people's nerves too much.
Overall, things are on the upswing, and I feel more hopeful than I've felt in quite a while, which feels incredible. Hopefully this isn't a day or two thing, but is the rebirth of the creativity and open-mindedness I thought I left in notebooks four or five years ago.
Sidenotes:
1. The Second two volumes of Thrice's Alchemy Index came out yesterday, and for the life of me, I don't think I've heard a better album than the Air disc in a very long time, which is something that after several listens, I can stand by wholeheartedly.
2. I've started downloading a lot of older music that I never had before, but always liked- Elvis Costello, Tom Petty, Rockpile, Squeeze, The Beach Boys, Tom Waits... the list goes on. Also, I'm trying to put a dent in the list of movies I want to see, which currently stands at a lengthy 107 movies. If you read this and have suggestions or contributions to either of these, I'm all ears.
3. (This deserves its own point) I've actually started reading books past the first 25 pages, so I'm open to any and all suggestions. The last book I know I read cover to cover was Angels & Demons when I was in Jamaica a few years ago. I'm working on Catch-22 right now, then probably Cat's Cradle after that, assuming I can snag it from Dom. Again, suggestions are welcome.
Let the shore tide in.
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