1. I have more loose ends in my life than I even know what to do with. Whether it be relations with people that got fucked up and lost in translation, or just flat out stopped, or projects I started and never finished, or resolves I made and haven't thought about since. I think it's time to start sewing up the holes.
2. Everyone inevitably hurts everyone else, and it's the sad cycle of life. I've wasted so much time in pissing contests over who did worse to who and I frankly have no idea why. I'm pretty damn sure that I've hurt people, and even more sure I've been hurt by them. But pain is pain in the end, and sometimes shit just fucking sucks, and I think part of growing up is realizing that. After all the completely shitty things I've had done to me, there isn't a single person I wish ill will upon- in fact, it's more of the opposite. There are a lot of people I don't talk to anymore for whatever reason, and in all sincerity, I hope they're all doing well with whatever they may be getting into or doing in their lives. There isn't a person I know that I would never help if they needed it, even if it was just to talk about something. Call me what you will- It's just how I am.
3. I'm a good month away from getting the paycheck boost I'm waiting on to put towards some new equipment so I can get this music project going more steadily. I have a massive amount of ideas, but don't have the means to start really putting them together on any sort of cohesive level. I'm heading out to Pittsburgh towards the end of June to get some help from my Uncle on how to get some programs set up and synced, so hopefully that'll yield good results, and I can be starting to get it together come July.
Aside from that, I haven't slept for more than 3 hours at a time in the past week because of a ridiculously sporadic work schedule (though watching the sun rise in the Poconos is a nice way to welcome in the day) and more things to do than I can count (somehow I always end up exponentially busier at home than at school). My car's still not done because of all kinds of confusing scheduling bullshit, but should be done and delivered for real by next week, which is stellar.
I've been reading a ton lately- primarily switching between Vonnegut's Cat's Cradle and things on the Cold War, diving into the old Russian History books from Greacen's class back in sophomore year for their take on it. Modern history seems to be a new interest of mine, and Vonnegut can seemingly do no wrong.
It's great to be home and away from State College for a few months. Not to mention having my own space is great (no offense Dan). Everything's unpacked, and I've been working on getting things straight and cleaned out. I stumbled upon boxes of things I've collected over the past 6 years, and looking through it was a trip. I found it bizarre that I can't remember what I had for breakfast, yet can pick up a random note from power study hall or find a conversation from freshman year and know exactly what was going on at the time. I'm believing more and more that everyone who told me I'm a wealth of useless knowledge was right.
Finally, I'm planning on making a bunch of trips over the course of the summer- Pittsburgh, Boston, Baltimore and Long Island twice for Elliott's lacrosse tournaments, and a few trips to school for sure. Figuring out when is a different story entirely. I have a feeling the combination of two jobs and throughtthefuckingroof gas prices might cut a few of these off, but I'm going to make my best effort. There's a bunch of things I want to do and people I'd like to see, so hopefully I can manage to pull it all together. There's generally a lot I want to do before August rolls around and I head back to school, and I'm going to try my damnedest to get it all worked out by then.
On a completely depressing note, my bus driver (as well as Elliott's and Mackenzie's all through elementary school and up til now; the greatest of all time) was run over and killed by another bus this morning while he was walking to his bus to leave. It's a goddamn tragedy that it's always the incredible, genuinely wonderful people who die before their time. Rest in Peace, Pappy.
To a time without faith or fate or rhyme.
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